KENT COUNTY, Mich. — At the Pilko household, love is more than just a four-letter word. It’s the foundation of their faith and it’s the message parents Eric and Becki preach to their three young daughters, they said.
“Christ says to love your neighbor. There are no qualifications on that,” Eric said during an interview with FOX 17. “We want our kids to hear that message. We want our kids to see people whose lives don’t look like there’s necessarily, right, to have that exposure.”
The Pilkos said they believe that Christ’s love and church should include members of the LGBTQ+ community. They consider themselves allies, people who are not a part of the community but choose to support them outwardly.
“While we’ve always been affirming, I think there’s still so much to kind of learn and listen to people’s stories,” said Becki.
The Pilkos said they often found themselves in faith spaces where they couldn’t ask questions about the intersection of church and sexuality. So, last year they decided to find a church that matched their beliefs. They said it was hard at first. But, the moment they stepped foot inside The Community Church in Ada they knew they found the right place, they said.
“We were a little hesitant because it’s a bit of a drive but it has been absolutely worth it making that drive,” Eric said. “We’ve been there for just over a year. And, it’s a really compelling space. Mara is an absolutely compelling pastor.”
Dr. Mara Joy Norden is the lead pastor at The Community Church in Ada. She said she shares the same beliefs as the Pilkos and considers herself to be an ally as well.
“There are allies in every single congregation in every single community and neighborhood in West Michigan,” Dr. Norden said during an interview in the sanctuary of the church. “It is a really, really lonely place because if you, [in] so many places, you can not ask questions.”
At Dr. Norden’s church, questions and deep conversations are welcomed, she said.
She began questioning and studying the intersection of faith and sexuality years ago when she was working in a harm reduction program in the city’s Heartside neighborhood, she recalled, and met people of the LGBTQ+ community who were compassionate about caring for people who were experiencing homelessness.
Many, she said, lost loved ones due to the HIV epidemic.
Dr. Norden said that experience always stuck with her and shaped her belief system today.
So, a few years ago, after much thought and prayer, she added The Community Church of Ada’s name to a website called Room For All, letting all church-seekers know that they are an LGBTQ+ affirming congregation.
“We feel called by God to make it known that we are a welcoming and a hospitable place for LGBT people and their allies,” she said. “It is hard for that community in West Michigan to find churches that they will be safe in. And, having your name on a roster, your churches name is super important.”
Cameron Van Kooten Laughead is the executive director of the Room For All, the organization that runs the website. He said so far they have 45 churches, of the Reformed Church in America, listed on the site that have gone through the process or put together a statement that welcomes the LGBTQ+ community.
Even though more and more RCA churches are becoming affirming, he said, he’s also seeing the same thing happen in other denominations as well.
“More churches are beginning to understand that it’s an important conversation,” said Van Kooten Laughed during a Zoom interview. “From my perspective it feels like society has moved 10 steps forward, a couple of steps back, maybe a few steps forward. But, overall, over the last half century, society has moved on issues of justice in a number of ways.”
According to a 2014 survey of the American Religious Congregations, funded by the Pew Research Center, 1300 congregations polled that church acceptance of LGBTQ+ people becoming full-time members grew from 37 percent in 2006 to 48 percent in 2012.
Also, according to a 2015 survey of Americans who identify as Christian, 54 percent believe that homosexuality should be accepted, which was up 10 percent from 2007.
“When I sat on the board of Lutherans Concerned in 2008 we probably had about 300 churches that were considered ‘open and welcoming’,” said Rev. Nicole Garcia, who’s a queer transgender Latina pastor in the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. “Now we’re well over 1,000.”
Dr. Garcia, who is the Faith Work Director at National LGBTQ Task Force, said that the movement of churches becoming more accepting has grown since the 1970s. And, it’s called the Welcoming Movement.
She said there’s been resistance along the way, and lately is been against people who are transgender. However, it has not slowed the movement’s momentum.
“We have to be known for who we include at the table and it’s not a matter of like pull up another chair,” Rev. Garcia said. “In many ways we have to dismantle the table and build it from scratch.”
Dr. Norden shared the same sentiment, she said.
“Our mission as Christians is to spread God’s love,” she said.
The Pilkos agreed. They believe it’s that kind of love that would fill any table.
“We’re glad to find the space that was affirming, that we can be supportive of individuals and really I think focus more on that unifying factor of just brothers and sisters in Christ who want to follow Christ and love him and lean into people’s hardships and things, and really just serve the table and maybe not be the determining folks of who has a seat at that table,” Becki said.
