I’ve been living in sweatpants longer than I care to admit, so this week, I realized I needed to a) put make-up on and b) go to the beach and make sure my swimsuit still fit (or looked acceptable). There have certainly been pros and cons of quarantine for me. Like being more relaxed at home. My appearance, my dress code, my parenting, even my cleaning skills. I used to live by to-do lists like they were my everyday Bible. These days, I am lucky to get out of my pajamas and get a shower in.
I’m not struggling with depression, but I certainly have had more blah days with grey sweatpants than I have had in a long time. It’s just this feeling of uncertainty and sadness that keeps weighing at my heart. Even when I try to get dressed up and put together for the day, I don’t feel like myself. I feel heavy, blah and like I am just getting by.
For the most part, I feel like I am a pretty optimistic person. I love to see the good in things and in those around me. But lately, I am starting to point out my flaws and my short comings more than ever before. It makes me wonder what this must feel like for other women who have been struggling with this for months….for years….forever. To never feel like you are good enough or measure up. To feel blah all day long. It makes my heart sad. It makes me feel sad.
This year that we have been stuck in is nothing short of a dumpster dive. It’s been a shitty hand of poker and here we are, trying to navigate a new norm. Trying to figure out the meaning behind it and how the heck we are going to get through this, better….together. I still search and wonder for the best, as I know that the toughest lessons take time and we can’t understand it until years to come, but it doesn’t make today any easier.
What I do know is that there is still a purpose, for each of us. Maybe not what you signed up for and maybe not glamorous, but some ONE needs you. Maybe it’s your kids but maybe it’s your frumpy neighbor….your friend on Facebook who is struggling, or your aunt who is feeling all alone. I don’t have all the answers when it comes to depression but what I can tell you is that the worst thing we can do is bottle it up and cave in, to loneliness all by ourselves. We NEED others. Someone NEEDS you. Reach out for help and if you are too proud to do this, reach out to someone who is simply on your heart today. Think of all the shut-ins, the elderly or the homeless today. A nurse, a teacher, a daycare provider, a young mother who is feeling overwhelmed. They need a touch of heaven more than ever before. If we can’t spread the joy and kindness into this world, then who WILL?