Editor's note: Kendra is blogging about being a mom trying to rebound from the coronavirus pandemic at My Rebound by FOX 17. She is married with four kids: a 1-year-old daughter, 2-year-old son, 5-year-old son, 10-year-old daughter and 16-year-old bonus son. She is also the owner and lead fitness coach of Allegro Coaching in Grand Rapids, which she founded in 2009. She lives in Tallmadge Township.
They say July is national boredom month. Well, not this year. And not in my house.
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Managing a house of seven humans is a full time job and even if you don't have seven humans to manage, I am sure you are staying busy these days. But busy doing what? Lately, I have found lots of excuses to clean my house. Like scrubbing the floors, organizing my junk drawers and rearranging my closets. A clean house with seven humans? Nearly impossible.
But cleaning gives me a sense of control. And right now, I don’t feel like I have a lot of control over anything else these days.
Will school go back to normal this fall? Will I have daycare? Will I lose my business and need to find a new career path? Will our country pull through from this massive divide and political unrest? Will police be eliminated and how will our communities stay safe? Will we ever find a cure for Covid-19 and why is it taking so long? These are no small things to worry about. I don’t tend to worry much in life but lately, I find myself struggling with anxiety more than ever before.
And so I clean. It’s called fake resting and it’s something I struggle with daily. The kids are in their pajamas at night, watching TV while my husband scrolls social media. Meanwhile, I am wiping countertops, responding to emails, loading the dishwasher and making a grocery list.
Yes part of being an adult is taking responsibility for resting your body AND your soul. Part of being an adult is learning to meet your own needs. Frankly, men don’t struggle with this one at all. But even the most articulate, driven strong females I know struggle with really meeting their own needs (myself included). Maybe you know you need to slow down, but it’s not that simple. That internal voice that tells you to hustle can find a to-do list anywhere. You see….hustling feels like a drug- if I push enough, I will feel whole. If I stay busy enough, I won’t have to confront that issue or deal with that emotion. But what we feel is exhausted and resentful, simply with well-organized closets. Any activity keeps us from FEELING. So that is a drug. You can make a drug out of anything….working out, binge watching Netflix, working, shopping, cleaning, dieting, drinking. And, used like a drug, over time, that thing will make you less and less able to connect to the things that really matter. Like your heart and the people you love.
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It's not going to be easy for me but I know that my soul needs to rest and let this all go. After all, I don’t have any control over the situations outside of me. The only thing I can control is my attitude and my actions. Here’s to less mopping and more positivity into the world ahead!