SPARTA, Mich--"I want it now."
It's a familiar line from Willie Wonka's, Veruca Salt, a young girl with a taste for the finer things in life. Just like Veruca, some children are never satisfied and are always asking their parents for more. Whether it's a cell phone or ice cream, sometimes saying "no" to a child is easier said than done.
Actress Julie Dawn Cole, as the character Veruca Salt, takes a taste of an oversized candy on the set of the movie Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. (Photo by Steve Schapiro/Corbis via Getty Images)
Of course, no parent wants their child to be spoiled, but if you've been giving into your child on a regular basis, experts say it's going to be hard to set limits and your kids are going to continue to get what they want.
Adelle Cadieux, a pediatric psychologist at Spectrum Health says it's important kids learn how to deal with disappointment.
Adelle Cadieux
"A lot of parents really want to make sure their kids are happy and are enjoying life, so when you say 'no' and the kids are disappointed and upset, it’s really difficult," Cadieux said Thursday. She added that it's important to stand your ground, to teach kids that they can't always get what they want. "If those parents stand firm, the child’s tantrums will reduce in intensity and length."
Those tips are all things Tammy Gibson from Sparta has heard before. Her son, Zach Dietz, is now 16, but looking back Gibson says setting limits was hard.
"We’d let him sit in time out and let him scream it out," Gibson said. "You have to find that balance and then teach them as you go."
Through discipline, Gibson can say she raised her son to know the difference between want and need, adding that it wasn't always easy to teach.
"We want to give them everything they want, but then if you do that, they end up becoming spoiled as they get older," Gibson said.
It's important to set limits and remind kids that there will be consequences if they act up.
"A lot of kids will continuously request what they want and they’re relentless, hoping that will work on getting what they want," Cadieux said. "The more a parent can stand firm and say 'nope we’re not having this' is going to help the parent teach the child what the child can have, when is it appropriate, when is it not appropriate."
Zach Dietz (right) Tammy Gibson (left)
Reflecting back, Gibson says she stood her ground by counting to three. "'One' was a warning, 'two' meant business and 'three' meant time out," she said.
Fast forward ten years later, Gibson says she rarely has trouble with Zach, but when she does, she takes away his computer cord for punishment.
"I take it with me wherever I go so he can’t play until he gets things done," Gibson said.
Although it wasn't always easy teaching Zach wrong form right, Gibson says she couldn't be more proud of her son.
As for Cadieux, she says no matter how great your parenting is, children are going to throw tantrums and are going to complain, but she says standing your ground will pay off, because when parents give into a tantrum, which all parents do at some point, they're teaching a child that naughty behavior works.
"Sometimes we gotta wait it out and stand firm until the child learns, 'nope this is not going to work' and I have to do something different," Cadieux said.
If you are struggling with telling your kids 'no', Cadieux suggests reaching out for support, whether that's a professional, family member or friend.
