MORLEY, Mich. — Thomas Vernon says it’s difficult to express the way he and his wife, Sandra, feel.
“As a parent, we’re not supposed to bury our kids,” said Thomas. “When you lose one, that is a pain that you can never describe. I couldn’t describe it to you; I just can’t. You’re empty.”
On Saturday, their oldest daughter, Samantha Houghton, 33, died in a murder-suicide in Big Rapids. According to police, her boyfriend pulled the trigger shortly after an argument.
Sam’s four children, who range in age from 5 to 13 years old, were home at the time. Her parents told FOX 17 she was seven months pregnant too. The baby did not survive.
READ MORE: Murder-suicide shooting deaths in Big Rapids
“I was very devastated when I heard it and I’m trying to stay strong for these children,” said Sandra.
Sandra and Thomas say a caring and funny person was taken away.
“She was happy-go-lucky, bubbly,” said Sandra.
Sam grew up in Morley. She lived in Howard City and Grand Rapids before moving to Big Rapids roughly seven years ago and getting a job at Haworth.
“She came to the house one time for Christmas and she had these ratty boots on,” recalled Thomas. “We’re like, ‘Sam, you need a new pair of boots,’ and she says, ‘No, the kids needed shoes.’ That’s the kind of mom she was.”
According to Sandra, the couple got into a serious fight around Christmas last year, although she never imagined it would escalate.
The Big Rapids Department of Public Safety says officers had never responded to the home where the shooting happened prior to this weekend.
However, Holly Wilson, the director of Client Services at Safe Haven Ministries, says the number of police reports filed does not always indicate whether someone experienced intimate partner violence.
“Sometimes … it's not an option for survivors to contact police and take that step to get the law involved in what's going on,” said Wilson. “That's oftentimes a really big step for individuals.”
Safe Haven Ministries defines domestic abuse as “a pattern of controlling behaviors … these behaviors are used by one person in an intimate relationship to control the other.”
Types of abuse include:
- Physical
- Emotional and verbal
- Sexual
- Financial
- Digital
- Stalking
Signs of abuse include:
- Unusually quiet or hesitant or unusually cheery behavior
- Withdraws from activities and/or distances themself
- Acts very guarded while talking on the telephone
- Asks permission from partner to do ordinary things
- Claims to be “accident prone”
- Makes comments about partner’s “moodiness,” “short fuse” or “temper”
- Glances quickly at partner before responding to a question or statement from others
- Tries to smooth things over and works harder than seems necessary to avoid upsetting their partner
- Looks often at watch or cell phone when away from home
- Frequent vague physical symptoms and sicknesses
Wilson says if someone notices another person exhibiting these characteristics, they should privately ask the person if they feel safe at home. If they say they do not, encourage them to seek support.
“Reaching out to a domestic violence agency, you're not going to get connected with somebody that's going to tell you what you have to do; they're not going to tell you to leave necessarily,” said Wilson. “We’re here to just support individuals in figuring out what those next steps are.”
Sandra and Thomas echo the advice. They say with Sam now gone, they want her story to help others avoid the pain their family feels.
“Don’t be afraid to talk to your family members because you hold it all in and this is what happens,” said Sandra.
An Amazon wish list has been started to help Sam’s children, who Sandra and Thomas are now caring for. To donate, click here.
Other domestic violence resources in West Michigan include the YWCA of West Central Michigan, WISE, Every Woman's Place and the YWCA Kalamazoo.
