HOLLAND, Mich. — A Holland couple who lost their son to suicide in 2020 has spent the last five years turning their grief into action, and their nonprofit is now serving the community out of a new space.
Steve and Jill Miskelley founded Team Be Better in 2021 alongside Dr. Michael Brashears. The nonprofit provides free mental health education and consultation sessions centered around families, with a focus on individuals between the ages of 13 and 25 and a specialization in student-athletes.
It's now operating out of a new location at 386 Garden Ave. in Holland.
The Miskelley's son, Ian, was a University of Michigan swimmer known for his humor, honesty, and ambition. He had been open about his mental health struggles and was receiving professional help before his death at 19.
"He had this infectious laugh he would get going, and it was almost like this, out loud guffaw, like if he got going, you knew it from rooms away," Steve said.
"And the smile was huge,"added Jill. "Once he found swimming, that was his true passion and love, and just talked about it all the time, and just wanted to be part of a team."
Despite his own struggles, Ian was deeply attuned to the pain of others, his father said.
"He was a very sensitive kid. He was always the kid who was looking out for other people. He understood mental health, what mental illness felt like, what depression felt like, and he saw it, and he recognized it when he saw it in other people," said Steve.
Ian's mental health challenges surfaced early. His father recalled a moment when Ian was 11 years old.
"We're standing in his bedroom, and he just, he was crying, and he's like, Dad, I'm just angry all the time. And it was this, he really didn't know what to do with it. And he's like, please help me," Steve explained.
Jill said Ian kept much of the severity of his struggles hidden, even from those closest to him.
"He was definitely a master masker, but I could see it in his eyes, a lot of people didn't know it was going on, but we did," Jill said. "He was pretty open, but he wasn't open about how bad it was. We just knew that he was having some struggles."
In the years since, the Miskelleys said they have learned things they wish they had known sooner, particularly about the nature of Ian's diagnosis.
"Just learning now, or in the past five years, more about what his diagnosis probably meant, and that it was also lifelong, we were never told that. It was treated as, if you work hard enough, him mainly, you'll overcome this," Jill explained. "It was never this, hey, you have an actual illness. This is what it's going to look like. So, a lot of education that we didn't get, didn't know we should have gotten."
That gap in education became the foundation of Team Be Better's mission.
"This painful journey, this reminder every day is, I hope it's beneficial to other people, because what we have learned is things that we would have done significantly differently," Steve said.
Dr. Brashears, who was Steve's personal counselor before co-founding the nonprofit, also knows the weight of loss firsthand. He serves as the CEO of Community Mental Health Ottawa County.
"2009, my wife took her own life after a long battle with mental illness. My daughters were 10, seven and 18 months. My son was 18 and already out of the house," Dr. Brashears said. "I was the director of adult mental health services, and I couldn't find services for my own wife."
Brashears said Team Be Better is intentionally designed to be different from traditional therapy.
"We're actually the opposite. Come when you can, we'll be available when we can and you can. It doesn't cost anybody," Brashears said. "We're going to educate you after long periods of understanding of what's going on."
He said the nonprofit's family-centered approach is modeled after how other serious illnesses are treated.
"We're not doing the diagnosis and treatment of mental illness. We're doing the assessment, support and navigating to treat real mental illness, but then educating the rest of the family," Brashears said. "Just like leukemia, you'd want the family involved, just like depression, if your 16 year old actually has bipolar disorder or major depression, it should be a family thing."
With the move to the new Garden Avenue location, Steve said the organization is positioned to grow significantly.
"I think we can triple or quadruple the outreach, the impact we're able to have in the community," added Steve.
Team Be Better offers two scholarships. One is available through the Community Foundation of Holland and Zeeland for a local athlete. The other is an endowed scholarship at the University of Michigan called the Ian Miskelley Hope Scholarship.
The nonprofit will also hold a fundraising gala on March 6, to support its free services.
"It's a Friday. It's got a theme this year, Saddles and Sequins. So, going to get dressed up a little bit," Jill said. "We've got that kind of western theme going on with and then we have a local band that's going to be doing some folk music."
Former Detroit Lions and Chicago Bears quarterback Erik Kramer will serve as a special guest at the event.
"Erik has had challenges himself, and because we want to focus on athletes, he seemed like the perfect spokesperson for us," Steve said.
The couple believes Ian would be proud of what Team Be Better has been able to accomplish.
"He sent me a book before, and it talks about when someone's in need, don't think, just act. And that was really, that quantifies it," said Jill.
"We said at the beginning, if we could help one kid, if we could save one kid, we will have accomplished a great deal. I'm proud to say we've helped 400," Steve added.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, Team Be Better can be reached here. You can also call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.
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